Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should: A Frank Conversation About Air Bud

Air Bud is probably one of the most recognizable movies of all time. And it happens to be the movie that gave us one of the greatest lines in all of movie history.

“Ain’t no rule says the dog can’t play basketball.”

These two men create a world were society’s rules don’t matter in AirBud.

This is the most absurd thing a human being has ever said, and I’m not talking about it in the context of the movie. I mean, in life.

Imagine, if you will, the writers pitching this movie:

“So the dog hits the basket, and everyone’s like ‘hey, that dog can’t play with us.’ And the ref is like, ‘Let me check the rulebook.’ Turns out, no rule says a dog can’t play basketball. So the dog does, and they win a ton of games. Also, Tony Award winner Michael Jeter plays a clown who sucks.”

Anyway, the whole premise of Air Bud is absolutely ABSURD.

No one is asking if the dog can play basketball. The dog most certainly can play basketball and is very talented. The question that no one is asking is “SHOULD the dog play basketball?”

To quote another fantastic movie from my childhood, “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

Because frankly, the dog should not play.

That’s insane, people.

Absolutely no way that dog should be on the court.

And if you’re sitting there saying, “Hey, take a chill pill, dawg. It’s just a movie.” You’re right. I’ll take a chill pill and calm down the minute you admit to yourself that it’s absolutely nonsensical for a dog to play basketball against children. Imagine if you’re playing Little League and the other team has an adult gorilla as their first baseman. It doesn’t matter if the pitcher throws meatballs; no kid is going to want to run at a gorilla who is playing first base. But, ya know, ain’t no rule says the Silverback can’t play baseball.”

There’s also no rule that says a dolphin can’t be on the swim team, either. WHERE DOES IT STOP?

At this point, I am beginning to hear how insane my argument sounds. And I’m starting to understand the predicament these adults were in. While there is certainly no rule that says the dog can’t play, there’s no rule that says the dog CAN play. So it’s a rulebook gray area, creating a world where neither side can win.

I’m not asking for much here. I want to have a conversation that is rooted in the reality of a world where things make sense, not one where a golden retriever makes the JV squad.

All this to say that at the end of the day, Air Bud hinges on a league not being able to tell a kid and his dog that they can’t play basketball.

That to me is absolutely insane.

This article originally appeared on The Turf Sports on September 24, 2021. The author has modified it to fit the formatting of this site.